funkitis

Since this is a place for me to blog and it seems a few webs have cast over I guess I can feel fairly safe to say whatever it is that's on my mind. It is a funk that I must be in and they don't come as often as they used to but I'm in one now. So, what do I do about it I write in the hopes that when I'm finished I will feel better. What is the cause for this funk? I guess I would have to dig a little deep for the answer then again maybe it's at the surface and I just don't want to pop out and say it. But what difference does it make if "webs" are casted over. I think it has a lot to do with respect and feeling important or just plain being trusted. Then again it's all of the above. How much do you give and never expect anything back? Do you think it's selfish to want better? Or to feel guilty for wanting better? I'm satisfied with what I have but there are others that don't have hardly anything and yet I want more quality out of my life. I don't need big expensive things but it would be nice to have just one of the things on your wish list. So it's okay or is it not? Kind of confused at myself right now. I ask myself if I deserve the things that I want and the answer is a hesitated yes. But I'm the wrong person to ask because I'm my worst enemy. Do you just serve God and let Him do his work or do I feel like a hypocrite. I know nothing is given and you have to earn the things you want. It just seems like a wall builds itself right before I take that huge step into promise land and then BAM I smash right into the wall! Where's your confidence and what makes me think I don't deserve what everyone else has? Not to sure only can say that I must be a really sick person to think that I'm alone in this and that I don't matter. I do know I matter to the people that really care about me and not about who they want me to be. In fact the only person I know how to be is me. So what's the problem? Just a funk. There are reasons behind it and I should be a stronger person and be able to ignore and overlook certain things but this is who I am and the way God created me. So I guess I'll have to put a little more effort into what work I need to do to make me feel like a worthy person. Funkitis, I hate it!!!