My Holiday!!!

Christmas is my all time favorite holiday! Not only does it bring out the
giving in me/us (hopefully), it makes me happy! There are so many things to be
thankful for and In my case I don't give credit where credit is due. Jesus is the one and only person I can say Thank you to. He has all control,. I have none! We don't have any control. You might think you do, but ultimately it's up to Him.There are people that I would love to have here to celebrate this amazing gift, but if that's what He chose to do then that's what He chose to do. I know my mom is looking down and smiling! She's going to be even happier when she see's all of us together for the first time in 10 years!!! I hope she'll be smiling for days. We all needed to get together because we are family! I can't imagine me dying and my kids just going in their own direction. That is my worst fear, is they won't stick together and realize how IMPORTANT your siblings are!!! Mo, Dutin, and Kyle this is for your eyes to read. I love all you guys so much and I don't EVER want you guys to separate!!! I will not be happy, and you can't be sad in Heaven, so trust me on this one! I'm so excited for Christmas but I don't want it to come too fast. The family needs to be more close for it to be exactly like I want it. As your mother, a.k.a.,Ma /I want nothing but happiness for all three of you. Life is not perfect, and to say the old cliche "I want nothing but happiness for you" can't and won't always be possible. Hence the word "life" and struggle and heartaches and breaks. You will wonder why things are so bad, and how did it get this far? Why didn't I see this coming, and God forbid sin itself. You are ALL human, and not, nor never will be perfect! Be great people. Treat eachother with respect and love. At least make it look like I taught you guys something. I want to see all of you doing something you wanted for you! Don't ever give up!!! It's worth the fight. I'm living proof that you can have happiness after crap! Danny has been the one stable person in my life that has done nothing but loved me for me! Imagine that! I know I didn't see that coming. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT SETTLE!!! You all are worth so much and don't ever settle for a bad job or relationship. I don't care how much seniority you have invested in the company OR the relationship. It's not worth it to be unhappy in a tough world like this one. Believe that God will take you and carry you through those times when you think that this is just absolutly impossible. Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE with God! My love for the three of you and Danny can not always be expressed through verbal words and I always seem to say it like I want when I write. So, this is your mother telling all of you that if it wasn't for all four of you in my life I would never be the woman I am today! Thank you guys for mothering me when I needed it the most! I KNOW ALL I have put you guys through. I don't or won't forget the damage I've done to you guys. I have forgiven myself as God has forgiven me. Do I feel better? No! I have a lot of guilt but none the less I am your Ma. Do not follow my footsteps. Create a whole new and exciting path for yourselves! Make yourselves proud! I will always be watching no matter where I am. I will treasure moments, and I do lock precious moments away forever to take with me. Here's an example of one I actually have locked away, when I see all three of my kids getting along and laughing my heart melts. You guys probably didn't know that but you do now. Simple pleasures of watching you guys with your different personalities. ALL of you know how to make me laugh! I love that you got that from Muah!!!HAH! Mo, Dutin, & Kyle as your ma I want you to know you are the pillars I stand on and without a fourth ( which would be Danny ) cause I could'nt stand with just three, you have made me one proud mama! I love you here and beyond and if there was another word for how much you all mean to mean it would be that word! I love you all. Peace, your Ma/wife