"P.T.S.S."
Post meaning after the fact. "Pre" meaning before. Let's use the example post-op for after surgery and pre-op is before surgery. Post traumatic stress syndrome is of course something traumatic that happened in the past and now you are affected by this event or events. What happens to someones mind with PTSS? I guess you really can't answer that question unless you took a poll of people who have PTSS and tallied up their opinions. It's my belief and experience that it's different for everyone. Why? Because everyone's PTSS came from a different type of trauma or has similar characteristics just different circumstances. In my case I've had many things that have caused my PTSS. I can only imagine those who are ready to hear some scandelous story about my trauma but you're out of luck. Sorry to burst any bubbles but details are not important. It is NOT my intentions to put blame on anyone but rather to talk about how it is to live with the "illness". It is very challenging to say the least having different labels put over your head about what mental illness you might or might not have. It has been my experience with over fifty or so different Dr.'s, psychiatrist's. psychologists, therapists and the list goes on that they all have their own opinions. Most of the professionals if not all have never experienced any trauma so it makes me wonder what book they read that they thought " this sounds like PTSS, or Bi-polar syndrome or Major depression, and the list goes on and on and on. It might be a topic that some are uncomfortable to speak about. I am not uncomfortable talking about it because it is reality! It's life. A part of life that millions of people live with day in and day out. I'm not ashamed of it because I did not cause it nor did I wish it upon myself. Could things be worse? Absolutley! With me it started revealing itself around 30. I was having vivid nightmares, crying all the time totally down and just like the commercial says hopeless and lost all enthusiasum for life. That is when HELL started. Talking to different Dr.'s being dissected like a lab rat and feeling like an alien, Having to literally put your life into a strangers hand and being told to take this pill and that pill and before you know it you're a walking PDR. (physicians desk reference). Everything from a to z has been put on your plate and now your so looped you don't know how to think! Throw in some hospital stays and you have a very frightened person staring back at you. I was one of the more fortunate ones as an impatient. What I witnessed over the years in hospitals I could write a book. I don't really know how to explain the hospital side of mental illness except to say that most of the employees are hardened to their surroundings. I can say that through the years there were a handful of nurses and Dr.'s that actually cared. Then there were the ones that you didn't want to piss off. I can understand why, and I can't really say I blame them. I was a model patient compared to the people I have seen in hospitals. They wore the staff out! As a Mom living with an illness it makes my life 100 times harder. I want to be the best Mom I can be for my children and I don't want them to look back on their childhood and remember bad memories. This would have to be the worst part of the entire Dx. is having your children see you in ways you pray they didn't have to see. In my case my kids have seen and heard a lot in their small lifetime. I would give anything for them to not have witnessed half the things they have. God knows how much I love my kids and how much I want them to have healthy and happy lives. We don't get to choose our life but we can make the best of the hand we are dealt. It seems like I have lived several lives and cried enough tears to make a "lady made lake". The first five or six years after being Dx. were the worst. Always hiding and running away from everyone. Not wanting anyone's help and in complete denial that anything could be wrong with me. I know there are some out there that refuse to even entertain the thought of taking medication. That would confirm they had a problem. In my way of looking at it I don't feel proud I have to take meds but if I had diabetes or a heart problem and I was told take this medication to survive I would take it. Just the same with anti-depressants. If I don't take the medication I will live a miserable and most likely a shorter life. As a Christian women believing in and trusting God I know that He can take away any and all things. I don't blame God. I'm being tested and I have faith that He will not put me through anything that I can not handle. If taking a pill is what I have to do to get through this life with some peace than that is what I need to do. It does not mean I won't have really crappy days or weeks but I can get through them easier knowing that Jesus is right next to me holding my hand. This life is so short and so temporary. No one knows when it's their time, only God knows that. I live to please God and have the faith that when God say's "Tina it's time to come home" I'll be ready.
Post meaning after the fact. "Pre" meaning before. Let's use the example post-op for after surgery and pre-op is before surgery. Post traumatic stress syndrome is of course something traumatic that happened in the past and now you are affected by this event or events. What happens to someones mind with PTSS? I guess you really can't answer that question unless you took a poll of people who have PTSS and tallied up their opinions. It's my belief and experience that it's different for everyone. Why? Because everyone's PTSS came from a different type of trauma or has similar characteristics just different circumstances. In my case I've had many things that have caused my PTSS. I can only imagine those who are ready to hear some scandelous story about my trauma but you're out of luck. Sorry to burst any bubbles but details are not important. It is NOT my intentions to put blame on anyone but rather to talk about how it is to live with the "illness". It is very challenging to say the least having different labels put over your head about what mental illness you might or might not have. It has been my experience with over fifty or so different Dr.'s, psychiatrist's. psychologists, therapists and the list goes on that they all have their own opinions. Most of the professionals if not all have never experienced any trauma so it makes me wonder what book they read that they thought " this sounds like PTSS, or Bi-polar syndrome or Major depression, and the list goes on and on and on. It might be a topic that some are uncomfortable to speak about. I am not uncomfortable talking about it because it is reality! It's life. A part of life that millions of people live with day in and day out. I'm not ashamed of it because I did not cause it nor did I wish it upon myself. Could things be worse? Absolutley! With me it started revealing itself around 30. I was having vivid nightmares, crying all the time totally down and just like the commercial says hopeless and lost all enthusiasum for life. That is when HELL started. Talking to different Dr.'s being dissected like a lab rat and feeling like an alien, Having to literally put your life into a strangers hand and being told to take this pill and that pill and before you know it you're a walking PDR. (physicians desk reference). Everything from a to z has been put on your plate and now your so looped you don't know how to think! Throw in some hospital stays and you have a very frightened person staring back at you. I was one of the more fortunate ones as an impatient. What I witnessed over the years in hospitals I could write a book. I don't really know how to explain the hospital side of mental illness except to say that most of the employees are hardened to their surroundings. I can say that through the years there were a handful of nurses and Dr.'s that actually cared. Then there were the ones that you didn't want to piss off. I can understand why, and I can't really say I blame them. I was a model patient compared to the people I have seen in hospitals. They wore the staff out! As a Mom living with an illness it makes my life 100 times harder. I want to be the best Mom I can be for my children and I don't want them to look back on their childhood and remember bad memories. This would have to be the worst part of the entire Dx. is having your children see you in ways you pray they didn't have to see. In my case my kids have seen and heard a lot in their small lifetime. I would give anything for them to not have witnessed half the things they have. God knows how much I love my kids and how much I want them to have healthy and happy lives. We don't get to choose our life but we can make the best of the hand we are dealt. It seems like I have lived several lives and cried enough tears to make a "lady made lake". The first five or six years after being Dx. were the worst. Always hiding and running away from everyone. Not wanting anyone's help and in complete denial that anything could be wrong with me. I know there are some out there that refuse to even entertain the thought of taking medication. That would confirm they had a problem. In my way of looking at it I don't feel proud I have to take meds but if I had diabetes or a heart problem and I was told take this medication to survive I would take it. Just the same with anti-depressants. If I don't take the medication I will live a miserable and most likely a shorter life. As a Christian women believing in and trusting God I know that He can take away any and all things. I don't blame God. I'm being tested and I have faith that He will not put me through anything that I can not handle. If taking a pill is what I have to do to get through this life with some peace than that is what I need to do. It does not mean I won't have really crappy days or weeks but I can get through them easier knowing that Jesus is right next to me holding my hand. This life is so short and so temporary. No one knows when it's their time, only God knows that. I live to please God and have the faith that when God say's "Tina it's time to come home" I'll be ready.
I like your blog it is very interesting. I hope that things go forward in way that you want them to.
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